Change It Up

If during a conflict things start to heat up, try pausing, and then start the discussion over using I-feel language and avoiding You-statements.

Instead of saying "That was really mean of you to make that joke, you are so insensitive."  (A 'you" statement.)  Try saying "That joke made me feel embarrassed and underappreciated because I felt it was implying I was a bad homemaker."

Using I-statements helps your partner to not feel as much like they are being accused or judged, but helps them understand that you are just explain your feelings.  Your partner will be less likely to become defensive, preventing an escalating argument from ensuing.  

This opens the floor for constructive and open two way conversation where your partner can understand how you feel, and then calmly explain how they feel about the situation or problem.