Change Things Up

We have all heard that forgiveness is good that we need to do, and maybe we even want to forgive someone for something but we just don't seem to know HOW. Here are four steps to put into action as you try to forgive.

Step 1- Acknowledging the hurt.

• Talk to someone you trust and open up about how hurt, sad or angry you may feel. Let your emotions out, and don't apologize for them.
• Don't withdraw or isolate yourself. Stay connected and feel the pain, even though it hurts. With someone there to listen, the pain is more bearable.

Step 2- What do I want this pain to turn into.

• Once you've had the chance to vent, you are ready to appeal to your rational side,
• Ask yourself: What do you want this pain to turn into?
• Look for the hook. The hook is what is holding you back—it's the portion of the misdeed that is causing you to hold on to your anger and resentment.
• Empathize with the person who hurt you.
• Remember that forgiveness is not the service of condoning. It's a service to yourself—free yourself from the poison of hatred.

Step 3- Work through your pain.

• Dr. Hallowell says this step is difficult, but you need to analyze your anger and put your life back into perspective.
• Flatten the hook (what's holding you back) and rid yourself of the anger that is keeping you from forgiveness. Praying and mediating can help.
• Take inventory and give thanks for all the things you do have.
• Think of your future. Know that you and your loved ones will be better off once you have rid yourself of any vengeful thinking.

Step 4- Let go of your rage and resentment.

• Dr. Hallowell uses the word "renounce" because your resentful feelings may never permanently go away
• Acknowledge that your anger can come back.
• If your anger does comes back, go through the process again and flatten the hook to keep moving forward