Thursday, November 14, 2013

Change It Up

When you're feeling angry it is often hard to stay calm, and can lead to saying things you don't really mean.  Anger however is a secondary emotion.  This means that when you are feeling angry it is because first you felt something like scared, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, etc.. 

Next time you are feeling angry during a conflict, think about why you feel angry and try to discover what primary emotion is behind it.  This will help you address the real problem and find a solution that will actually solve the problem. 

If you feel angry because your feelings were hurt by a comment your partner made for example, your anger can camouflage the real issue and the discussion can spiral out of control.  After you have discovered the primary emotion make sure to stay on topic.  Bringing up issues from the past and other grievances you have is not productive.     

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